blah

very very emotional
crying a bit and at everything
doctor's appt yesterday, blood pressure not good, blood tests for kidney issues, checking for pre eclampsia.
I thought I was doing the right thing, going swimming, watching what I eat, I went into my doctor saying how good I was feeling and then she did my blood pressure and big surprise, I bawled. She weighed me, weight up 4 kgs in 2 weeks, I was so shocked I just stood on the scales and stared at the numbers. She didn't even sign my medical release so I can do prenatal yoga, she wants to wait. So back to the doc in a week. I'm thinking about going back to Prince William, I need some clarity, I feel like I'm falling and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm so scared that something is going to happen to the baby.
I know being upset is not helping my blood pressure, it's not that easy.
I feel very alone

I can't believe they showed this in science class!!!

I'm a bit shocked that this video was shown to a yr 10 science class, yeah it's funny and I laughed, ok I laughed a lot, but wow. Umm.. could be offensive to some.


The Puberty Pals - Watch more Funny Videos

I think it's over, or it might just be beginning

Had a good few weeks, ups and downs as usual, but it was lovely to have Glen here for 2 weeks . Have been so tired, I'm usually asleep by 8.30pm and now I am sleeping til about 6-7am, and my morning sickness has finally stopped (this week) and my skin has cleared up, so yay!

Pregnancy is still weird
weight is going up and up and up and so is my blood pressure :(
I have to see my doc regularly for blood pressure checks and it's looking like I'll be on medication soon.
At one visit she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat, spent ages trying to find it, so we were put in straight away for an ultrasound and our baby is still alive and kicking and Glen got to see it which was wonderful, so did Bianca's friend Paul who was holding back the tears, was quite funny, poor kid showed more emotion than everyone in the room put together lol and now he desperately wants to come to the 20 weeks scan, he's even made me his top friend at myspace ahahahaha, of course he can come.

Had another check at the Doc on Tuesday and my pressure is up again, we're hoping that with Glen going home and my nausea over, I should be able to relax more (because I was trying to show Glen all the things I love about Newcastle and the Hunter) and try and bring things back to normal. I joined a gym yesterday that has an indoor heated pool where I can just pay pool fees, no gym fees etc, only $29 a month and I can swim daily again, I haven't been swimming since February, and it's my happy place, so crossing fingers that my pressure and weight will start becoming stable. I don't have any fluid retention, my ring is still loose so that's a good sign. Doc said she might be sending me for gestational diabetes tests etc earlier than normal to check to see what in the world is going on. Could be something medical, or could be that my body wants to go to back to how it was before I was losing all the weight. I didn't have any problems when I was pregnant with the girls, but I was much younger then.
I think I did too much yesterday at the pool, swam my km but was then sick for the rest of the day, might halve it today and see how that goes. Will also be starting some prenatal yoga soon too.

Glen bought a HI-bebe doppler over from America, so we can check the heartbeat and he can hear it over the phone, I have been good and have only used it occasionally, like the day Glen was leaving so he could hear his baby again before he left.
It will come in handy when I go into labour, because I don't want to go into hospital before I really really have to (if my blood pressure goes back to normal) I know that they will monitor me a lot because I've had 2 cesareans and I don't want to be strapped to machines and unable to move around, it's really important to me to have more control over this labour because of how the other 2 went, and I can't have another epidural because the last one dropped my pressure to 40/20 and I'm just happy we're both still alive. So with the doppler I can see how the baby is going through the contractions.
















So, he left again last sunday morning, breaks my heart everytime we say bye at the airport, I think we're up to 12 times now. We don't know when we'll see each other again. His visa is taking forever because of all the paperwork we have to wait for. We've finally decided that his FBI report is god knows where because it shouldn't take 3 months to arrive. They wont give him answers when he calls, so he's going to apply for it again. None of this is helping my blood pressure. Scares me that he wont be here for the baby's birth.

We've finally agreed on names!! no more waiting for some bell to ring in his head when he hears a name! I did say hell no to some of the names on his list, like "Bertram" I don't know wtf he was thinking lol But he did say no to 99.9% of my llist, I like Callista and Willow dammit!

and on a side note, this is me wearing numerous layers in Quebec in February, I had lost so much weight, I'm glad I got a few weeks to actually like the way I look lol now I just look fat again, waiting for that baby belly!!! That in between look makes me feel like I did a year ago, so I avoid mirrors at moment. I do love being pregnant, and I do love it when I look pregnant, it's all a head thing at the moment because I forget I'm pregnant and just see gigantor from last year.
Ok swimming time, time to get out amognst people which I haven't been doing for the past 4 months :)

Scuse me while I throw up

Have been avoiding a lot lately.

Still trying to deal with this 'morning sickness', frustrated by a friend who tells me that morning sickness stops at 12 weeks and anything past that is a bacterial infection. Uh huh, yes so the 24 weeks of being sick with Allira was a bacterial infection? I don't think so, and as I prefer to avoid yelling at people, I just choose to not call her now, I take her calls, but thankfully she understands that I prefer to just be on my own when I am feeling sick 24 hours a day, and I can't throw a grapefruit at her head when she mentions "bacterial infection"

I had my nuchal scan last monday, the girls came with me, I want them to experience as much of this as they can, and I thought that seeing their baby brother or sister would be wonderful for them. Little Gary is adorable, scan lady was laughing because the first views we got of her were her jumping around straightening her legs. She's a very active little bub.

This is my favourite picture. It makes me giggle when I think of or see it :) It was pretty much the first view of her.



That's not necessarily a penis btw
even though I've been feeling for weeks that it's a boy, we still don't know yet and Glen doesn't want to find out til she's born.


It was very surreal seeing little gary.
I still haven't convinced myself that I am pregnant, it's just not real, I suppose that sounds very odd, but it's very very different to when I was pregnant with the girls.
I had convinced myself that after my fertility problems and my ovary issues, that I wouldn't get pregnant without some kind of help whether it be clomid again or IVF. And I was only with Glen for 2 1/2 weeks (him living in another country doesn't make seeing each other easy) and I got my period the day I left Australia, and I have had ONE four week cycle since I was 11!!!

It is exciting though :)
I've gained so much weight! But I'm ok with that, I'm not moving much, and there are only certain foods that I want to eat right now, very bland foods like eggs, potatoes, sweet potatoes and chicken, but then I could suck down a lemon tart in a few seconds, loving the lemons mmmmm

I've been in maternity jeans since I was 6 weeks pregnant. And oh wow are they comfortable! the KMart ones are the best!! I will wear them after the baby is born, especially to all you can eat buffet dinners :)
At the scan, there were 5 other women, every single other one had a flat tummy, and I am a walrus, Bianca noticed it too, was kind of amusing to see how big I am compared to ther 12 week women.

Only 9 more days til Glen gets here! YAY!!!!!!
He's bought a hi-bebe doppler so he can hear the heartbeat, and so when he goes home, he can hear it over the phone :)

Doctor's appt soon, have pains, I think it might still be the cyst, oh well, we'll see :)

Happy 13th Birthday Allira!

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 13th BIRTHDAY

(for yesterday)

Sorry I didn't do this yesterday, and I promise I'll make up for not doing much by giving you a 13th birthday party when things are better
Thank you for being understanding

I love you!!!

All day morning sickness cures, relievers, anyone?

I'd forgotten how horrible all day morning sickness is
but as bad as this is, it's still better than it was with Boo (lasted til 12 weeks) and Allira (lasted til 24 weeks)
I am nauseous, but not throwing up (as I did with my girls) actually I've thrown up twice, once with a hot chocolate and another time with some tea that was supposed to settle my tummy.

It's sucking the life out of me, I function

I'm doing trial and error with things that help
I thought being home would make me feel better than I was feeling in New York, nope I feel just as bad here.

My Preggy Pop drops made me worse today
Ryvitas before I get out of bed are ok, vita wheats are a no no
Weet-Bix makes me want to knock myself unconscious for the day
An egg for breakfast makes me feel slightly better, and a walk down to the beach seems to settle me a little too

It's a shit that this time is so important for development but almost every food makes my tummy turn, so I am trying to remember to take a vitamin every night.
I hate that Glen is so far away and not here to do anything for me. My 'horror'mones are exactly that and I am sick of farting!!

Anyone have any ideas? anything that worked for you?

Glen you're getting a vasectomy, I'm not having another one :P

It's baaaaaaaaack ....doodle loodle

Spent the night in hospital, dr was worried about ectopic pregnancy because of progressively worsening pain on my right side. So after being hooked up to a drip and crying after poor Dr Ann-Maree poked and prodded my tummy, I had a scan. Gary (the baby's nickname) is in the right spot :)
so she's not ectopic.
Good news
But
the cyst in my right ovary is back :(

So I'm kind of in limbo at the moment, don't know what's going on



PS
I heard the heartbeat and saw my little speck of dust on the ultrasound, I cried lol