Thursday, March 31, 2005

I gained :(

For the first time in my dieting life, I have stuck to a diet, I haven't strayed at all, no chocolate, no fast food, I am eating fresh foods, drinking lots of water and I am exercising, I've started using my pilates core ball twice a day, I'm using my skipping rope, and I am walking a lot, and I've gained almost half a kilo. I don't believe I am gaining muscle because I haven't been exercising very long, so I am dumbfounded as to what I've done to gain weight. It's disappointing and I'm upset... but that DOESN'T mean I am going to go off my diet or stop exercising, I want to lose weight and be happy and healthy. I'm not going to go any further backwards.
Normally I would have given up and gone to macdonalds or hungry jacks and been miserable with a burger, but not this time. I had my sultana bran, skim milk and fruit for breakfast, salad for lunch and dinner will be my favourite salmon :)
Maybe next week I'll have a big loss

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Nothing! Not a thing.. I hate dieting!

I haven't lost anything since last week. Not even 100 grams!
It's hard to face losing nothing because I have been trying so hard, I haven't gone off my diet, I have been walking a lot, only healthy natural foods have passed my lips and I didn't lose anything.
For as long as I can remember I have always had loads of chocolate at Easter and this Easter I didn't even have a nibble of chocolate!
I have never stuck to a diet before this one, I would go to a weigh in and come home and have two works burgers (i'm not lying) and some chips and I could still lose weight! but on the other hand I suppose this time I am actually eating healthier, I'm not starving and I'm not abusing pills to lose weight.
The one bit of good news is that my measurements have gone down 7.5cm in 2 weeks. Mostly from my waist (3.5cm) but it's coming off other areas too :)
The thing about doing a diet study is that there are two groups of women doing two different diets, and I keep wondering if the other group of women (the "blue group") are losing weight easier than I am, am I the only one in the "red group" going days without losing anything? I guess I'll find out on Friday when I go to Sydney to see my dietitian.

I know I should stop assuming this diet is a miracle cure for obesity, I'm just so sick of the way I look.

Friday, March 25, 2005

A & B

Good Friday and my girls are eating meat!?!

I slept in today, it was lovely, I'll miss being able to sleep in when I go back to work.
I woke up to the smell of something cooking, what could it be?! my daughters had made themselves jaffles for breakfast, my first question..
what did you put in the jaffles?
"ham and cheese" they replied,
but you can't eat meat on Good Friday!
(my eldest daughter), who is quite intelligent, she's just done the exam for selective high school said
"ham isn't red meat, it's pink"
and she's intelligent!?
I was still a bit sleepy so I don't think I explained the whole meat thing very well.

Good news is that I have lost a little more weight, I'm down to 98.6, I've lost a total of 2.4 kilos. (217 pounds and loss of 5.3 pounds)

Easter is this weekend and everywhere I go I am surrounded by Easter eggs, and I'm not even tempted. Tonight we are going to have salmon and home made oven fried chips with some steamed veges, we would have been eating a can of tuna if B hadn't mentioned going shopping for somethng. It was the usual pre-good friday fight at the seafood counter in Coles, but we got our salmon!

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

98.9! Lost some!

98.9! (218 pounds and for my english friend.. 15.5 stone)
That's a nice loss of 700grams.
I'm not very excited about it, I know I should be happy, I'm not really happy about a lot of things at the moment.
I'm still finding it easy. I've made a few changes to my life which seem to be working. On an old Oprah show, her and Bob her trainer, were talking about that tummy grumbling feeling, he said that the grumbling wasn't you actually being hungry, it was your body looking for some fat to feed off. So in Oprah's words (as close to them as I can remember) "you can feed it fat, or you can let it feed off your arse" I get that grumbly feeling every day and I know when I've eaten so I let it feed off my arse and hips, and tummy and well..everywhere!
I'm very aware of what I eat now, I went shopping today and the voices in my head were chatting away telling me that I couldn't have bananas, corn and peas because "they're bad" "don't eat rice or pasta cos they're bad too" but then I think about what Kate my lovely dietitian said, she told me they're all good! choose brown things, wholemeal pasta and bread and brown rice. The voices are there because of all of the diet programs that I have done, I need to get my head around to the new way. Maybe that's another reason I failed at all of the other diets...
I need to exercise more, I'm not doing enough, I have one of those big balls still in it's box with the exercise video. I really should pump it up and use it. I have to wear a pedometer for the diet study, I need to do atleast 10000 steps a day, my daughters are always checking it to see what I've done, they're proud of me :) I'm still not at work, so getting the 10000 steps usually takes two seperate walks a day, one up to the local supermarket and back and one to the shopping villiage a town away and back. I don't want to be all flabby when I've lost the weight, that is something that I worry about, I might hire a personal trainer for a few sessions so they can show me toning exercises.

And as for my friend that let me down on Sunday.. we haven't spoken since Sunday night
which is very rare for us, he said he was going to start doing something so he wouldn't lose my friendship, I didn't think that meant that we shouldn't talk. I was doing fine until I heard a matchbox 20 song and it reminded me of him. I was out shopping for easter eggs for my daughter's hat parade when I heard it, and I didn't even eat an egg :) I guess that's one good thing, I'm not an emotional eater anymore!

Monday, March 21, 2005

well la de dah.... 100 friggin grams

Yes I know I should be patient but 100 grams?!?!?! why lose 100 grams?
I'm now 99.6 kgs (219.5 pounds) It makes my first weeks weight loss 1.4 kgs (3 pounds) which I suppose I should be happy with, but the 100 grams was over 4 days!

i feel a bit cheated

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Same, no changes....cruddy day

Sunday and nothing has changed. I was hoping to have lost some more weight, but I don't care at the moment, I have other problems...On friday the specialist said that I could go back to work, but work wont let me come back, I broke my elbow and wrist on Christmas night and now about 12 weeks later, I'm still in pain but I wont cause any further injury to myself, BUT I will still hurt, which is why work doesn't want me there, and I'm only a sales assistant!!! so I'm looking for another job, there's one in the paper for a receptionist at an escort agency.. could be a good career move. My mum left this morning to fly to Holland (via Japan) to visit my sister and her husband and their beautiful baby that I call Squishy, and I worry about my mum, and today a friend let me down, a friend that I am ALWAYS there for, and it hurts.. so I feel like crap but I still wont cry into a chocolate cake, just into my stir fry and veges.
I took my daughters to Hamilton's food and wine festival, it was a lot of fun! food, face painting, music, food, wine, stalls, food and the Hunter Valley Chocolate shop! oh that little shop is heavenly! I bought my daughters a little chocolate each and they gave me a sample of their chilli chocolate, tiny piece about the size of a coffee bean and it was so good! but that's all I had!

PS I hate being single, just thought I would mention it.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Weight 99.7 I am sooooo good! still fat... but good!

3 days into it and I lost some weight! it's 1.3 kilos and I couldn't be happier.
I had to go to Sydney today for a Dexa scan. Big x-ray kind of thing that measures bone density and body fat. One of the pictures at the end is rather disgusting, like a you without facial features, etc like a big blob of fat in the shape of a body, and the other is like an x-ray which isn't as scary as the blob one.
Long trip down, three hours on the train, and then a clueless walk looking for a bus to the hospital and then the same coming back home so about seven hours of travel today. I did manage to read 2 1/2 Lemony Snicket books though, which made my eldest daughter extremely happy.
I hope I can manage to lose atleast a kilo a week, I want to be a nice weight for my birthday and an even better weight at christmas!

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Weight 101 kg (222 pounds) but I'm really gorgeous, seriously!

Time for me to start a blog, every one is doing it so now it's my turn. I'm too lazy to keep a journal, I've tried, I've written about 15 pages since my birthday in 1999.
I've got PCOS- polycystic ovarian syndrome, a horrible "Chronic Disorder" that effects so many women, and is extremely misunderstood, mostly we're told to "lose weight" but because of the hormonal problems, carb addictions etc, it's quite hard.
That's the reason I'm writing this. I'm a part of a weight reducing diet study for women with PCOS. I want to keep a diary/blog of how I am going. I just started yesterday and I'm doing surprisingly well, normally I would have eaten the left over mudcake from Sunday night's last yummy food binge, I would have had a frothy full fat milk cappucino with sugar sprinkled on top cos the fluffy milk goes crunchy mmmmmm, but I haven't. I'm sticking to my diet list because I am sick of being a chubby. I've done everything, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Easy Slim, numerous drinks and pills and even Duromine, I lost a lot of weight with all of the different diet groups but I got a bit lost because I felt like I wasn't doing my best. The weigh-ins were in the evening, how can you get an accurate weight when with you've been eating meals during the day and you're fully clothed? I got to the point where I wouldn't eat during the day, I would occasionally sip water, and I would wear the same thing every week, I was getting very annoyed at having lost 200 grams or gaining 100 grams and having that marked down on my card and people sympathising "don't worry you'll lose weight next week" I couldn't really scream that I had lost weight THIS week but because I can't starve during the day and strip naked to weigh in, no one would know that I had!!!
Duromine was great, I looked gorgeous at my sister's wedding, but I went a bit nuts and was pretty cranky 90% of the time.
So now I'm doing the study, why do I think I'll lose weight this time? because I had an epiphany! on the weekend I was wondering why people who had heart attacks and type 2 diabetes etc decided that it was time to lose weight, My parent's neighbour was told that she has type 2 diabetes and she's lost so much weight and she looks I came up with... because they're told to either lose weight or die! I don't want to get to the point that I'm told that, I know that now, I weigh 101 kilos!! I know I'm going to die if I don't lose weight. Now there are two types of foods to me, those that will keep me alive until my time is up and those that will kill me early. Chocolate cake... murderer, Brown rice (mmmm nutty) giver. So if I live my life the new way and occasionally flirt with the murderer then I'm going to lose weight and that sexy girl that is hiding under 44.9% body fat is going to come out.