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very very emotional
crying a bit and at everything
doctor's appt yesterday, blood pressure not good, blood tests for kidney issues, checking for pre eclampsia.
I thought I was doing the right thing, going swimming, watching what I eat, I went into my doctor saying how good I was feeling and then she did my blood pressure and big surprise, I bawled. She weighed me, weight up 4 kgs in 2 weeks, I was so shocked I just stood on the scales and stared at the numbers. She didn't even sign my medical release so I can do prenatal yoga, she wants to wait. So back to the doc in a week. I'm thinking about going back to Prince William, I need some clarity, I feel like I'm falling and there's nothing I can do to stop it. I'm so scared that something is going to happen to the baby.
I know being upset is not helping my blood pressure, it's not that easy.
I feel very alone

I can't believe they showed this in science class!!!

I'm a bit shocked that this video was shown to a yr 10 science class, yeah it's funny and I laughed, ok I laughed a lot, but wow. Umm.. could be offensive to some.


The Puberty Pals - Watch more Funny Videos

I think it's over, or it might just be beginning

Had a good few weeks, ups and downs as usual, but it was lovely to have Glen here for 2 weeks . Have been so tired, I'm usually asleep by 8.30pm and now I am sleeping til about 6-7am, and my morning sickness has finally stopped (this week) and my skin has cleared up, so yay!

Pregnancy is still weird
weight is going up and up and up and so is my blood pressure :(
I have to see my doc regularly for blood pressure checks and it's looking like I'll be on medication soon.
At one visit she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat, spent ages trying to find it, so we were put in straight away for an ultrasound and our baby is still alive and kicking and Glen got to see it which was wonderful, so did Bianca's friend Paul who was holding back the tears, was quite funny, poor kid showed more emotion than everyone in the room put together lol and now he desperately wants to come to the 20 weeks scan, he's even made me his top friend at myspace ahahahaha, of course he can come.

Had another check at the Doc on Tuesday and my pressure is up again, we're hoping that with Glen going home and my nausea over, I should be able to relax more (because I was trying to show Glen all the things I love about Newcastle and the Hunter) and try and bring things back to normal. I joined a gym yesterday that has an indoor heated pool where I can just pay pool fees, no gym fees etc, only $29 a month and I can swim daily again, I haven't been swimming since February, and it's my happy place, so crossing fingers that my pressure and weight will start becoming stable. I don't have any fluid retention, my ring is still loose so that's a good sign. Doc said she might be sending me for gestational diabetes tests etc earlier than normal to check to see what in the world is going on. Could be something medical, or could be that my body wants to go to back to how it was before I was losing all the weight. I didn't have any problems when I was pregnant with the girls, but I was much younger then.
I think I did too much yesterday at the pool, swam my km but was then sick for the rest of the day, might halve it today and see how that goes. Will also be starting some prenatal yoga soon too.

Glen bought a HI-bebe doppler over from America, so we can check the heartbeat and he can hear it over the phone, I have been good and have only used it occasionally, like the day Glen was leaving so he could hear his baby again before he left.
It will come in handy when I go into labour, because I don't want to go into hospital before I really really have to (if my blood pressure goes back to normal) I know that they will monitor me a lot because I've had 2 cesareans and I don't want to be strapped to machines and unable to move around, it's really important to me to have more control over this labour because of how the other 2 went, and I can't have another epidural because the last one dropped my pressure to 40/20 and I'm just happy we're both still alive. So with the doppler I can see how the baby is going through the contractions.
















So, he left again last sunday morning, breaks my heart everytime we say bye at the airport, I think we're up to 12 times now. We don't know when we'll see each other again. His visa is taking forever because of all the paperwork we have to wait for. We've finally decided that his FBI report is god knows where because it shouldn't take 3 months to arrive. They wont give him answers when he calls, so he's going to apply for it again. None of this is helping my blood pressure. Scares me that he wont be here for the baby's birth.

We've finally agreed on names!! no more waiting for some bell to ring in his head when he hears a name! I did say hell no to some of the names on his list, like "Bertram" I don't know wtf he was thinking lol But he did say no to 99.9% of my llist, I like Callista and Willow dammit!

and on a side note, this is me wearing numerous layers in Quebec in February, I had lost so much weight, I'm glad I got a few weeks to actually like the way I look lol now I just look fat again, waiting for that baby belly!!! That in between look makes me feel like I did a year ago, so I avoid mirrors at moment. I do love being pregnant, and I do love it when I look pregnant, it's all a head thing at the moment because I forget I'm pregnant and just see gigantor from last year.
Ok swimming time, time to get out amognst people which I haven't been doing for the past 4 months :)