Yep that pretty much sums up my recent weeks. I wish I had something exciting to say but it's all just been
Doctors visits because I'm a head case
CT scan on my elbow because it's FUCKED! don't ever take for granted that you can straighten your arm. B refers to me as gumby arm, oh haha
One big arse house clean out, apparently it's all to do with me being a head case but atleast my house is getting soooo clean
Quit tafe, yeah more head case stuff, never not completed a course in my life, even through my divorce I didn't quit, but well.. yep anyway
oh oh I did do something! I joined a gym, yeah I know, I'm moist with excitement too. I swear if I'm not looking hot in a bikini by christmas I'm going to cry and cry and eat chocolate
God dammit!!! That is my foot! my bleeding, aching foot!! (excuse pic quality, used my phone camera) I haven't been too good the past few weeks, let things get on top of me, I could make a list of the dramas but I can't be bothered, because separately they sound trivial, but all together they've made me feel the lowest I have been since my divorce 6 years ago. BUT instead of dwelling on them, I've made a plan to get over them :) that does not include going to counselling "mmm hmmm yes, ok yesss, ok that's $90 when can you come next week?" screw that, if I'm paying you $90, you can solve my problems for me bitch, not nod and say "hmm mmm yes" a lot. Ok back to my foot... The boyfriend I had when I was 12, who's now back in my life.. and who loves my butt! (yes I knew there was someone out there who did!) well anyway.. he called me this morning to see if I wanted to go for a walk on the beach, I could see it was a beautiful day, we're so lucky in this country, it's winter and it's a perfect day for the beach, so we met at my fav beach and walked around the rocks to the old nudie beach, i said OLD nudist beach meaning that they stopped it being a nudie beach cos the rich bitches on the top of the hill complained about having their perfect view spoilt by people enjoying being nekkid, so OLD nude beach..not nude beach for OLD people! yuck yuck yuck old man grey pubes blech! yeah ok I looked a few times :? So we walked and it was nice, it's funny having him back in my life, he seems to remember all sorts of things about me, I don't remember much, but I love talking to him. Ok so everytime Vic and I go for a walk along this particular part of this particular beach, I manage to hurt myself. First time, I slipped on the rocks landed on my chunky butt and was in absolute agony, there I am trying to look gorgeous, it was our second time seeing each other and I'm flat on my back soaking wet and covered in green slime trying not to cry like a baby. I laughed oh ha ha and that night I had to take drugs not happy drugs, but pain drugs because the pain was excrutiating and was that way for many weeks afterwards, screwed a muscle at the top of my leg. Right back today, we have a lot of fun together, he's intelligent and really yum, so anyway I'm looking cute, hair's tied back, nice black jeans, t-shirt etc I'm finally feeling good, laughing lots, we're walking along the rocks, I splash him with water, he splashes me and splashes me and splashes me again (wtf?!), so I bring my leg back, kick water at him as hard as I can, swing my leg back and swipe it across some oysters, well fuck me, IT HURT!! the pain came, the blood flowed and I didn't cry, said a few swear words, held my breath, wanted to kill Vic, because it's his fault, and nice people offered advice, and I would have pushed them on the rocks if i could have moved. As the blood kept flowing, it was quite hypnotic, I thought I would take a photo cos it's better to laugh than cry and I hadn't seen so much blood in a long time. So there you go, my day was pretty darn good even though it ended with a sore bloody foot :)
never again will i feel inferior I wont be walked upon I am not yours to destroy you will not bring me down and how many times do you have to be told I am my own person I am not yours to mould I can hold my head up high knowing that I wont change my soul is forever mine and my memories will not be erased but I am stronger for all the struggles that I have had to face the pain will never leave and there's a part of my heart reserved especially for the agony that people say I deserved each heartbreak makes me stonger my tears are empowering to me knowing that no longer will I surrender to you and one day I will be free
