Cause I feel that when I’m with you It’s alright, I know it’s right

"I know you'll never hit me"

"I could never hit the body I worship"



I will never forget your words and for the first time in years I'm actually letting myself trust.
I must want this because I no longer feel like throwing up when I think about the future :)

Thank you

x

I HATE? no....I LOVE... pt 4

I could've made this an "I HATE" post but I have decided to make it into a positive.

I LOVE...

Finding the strength that I forgot I had and being strong enough to use it!

This morning I took Allira to her new High School for orientation and to hand in her enrolment forms.
After the quick parent meeting I went to the office to discuss financial assistance.
I don't like asking for financial help, but I'm learning that it's there for a reason.
I spoke to the lady at the office with a smile and a "good morning" and explained to her that a little help may be required and how do I go about getting that.

She got the news letter and showed me that the yr 7 contributions are about $50 which is for cooking and a couple of other things. Then she showed me the list for year 8 and holy crap that was HUGE! I said ok next year should be fine, it will be year 8 that will be a problem. Office lady then says...

"Well, so you can afford the fees, your daughter should choose the less expensive subjects"

??!!!!WTF!!!!???

Hang on one friggin second lady.
Oh I was fuming inside, 6 months ago I would have just said "ok" but not anymore!
I kept the smile on my face, looked at her and calmly said

"Just because we don't have a lot of money does NOT mean that my daughter should be disadvantaged during her education, financial support is available at schools for a reason, and my daughter will be choosing the subjects that she wants to do"

I was very proud of myself for calmly telling her that what she said was downright rude.

Because I don't smell like alcohol, or cigarettes and am not walking around stoned
Because I am not a minority
Because I look younger than I am
Because I am articulate
Because I dress cleanly and I match
DOESN'T mean we have money and it DOESN'T mean that people can speak to me the way she did!!

My jeans cost me $3 at an op shop and my top was $10 and I look damn good! My family is a good example of how well people can dress without having much money and buying a lot of stuff at op shops.

That woman and others like her should NEVER assume that someone can afford something that should be free in the first place!

Financial assistance in schools should be available to all students who need it!
Whether they come from a previously well off family who has hit hard times, or they are a child who's parent's don't have their best interests at heart.
NO ONE should EVER be made to feel like they are a lesser person because they aren't rolling in money.

It's not fun asking for financial help, it's actually quite humiliating for me, I know it wont always be like this though..

Ahhh........yes, Strength... I has it

I LOVE .... pt 3

I know.. sickening isn't it, I'm still happy and I'm not even medicated! I'm going it alone without the Lexapro, yay me :)
I keep thinking about Glain on monday night saying that she doesn't like it when people smile all the time.. that makes me smile lol Glain has the most beautiful skin, not in a "it puts the lotion on" (silence of the lambs reference... very funny) kind of way... but just beautiful, she so ethereal.

OK.. on with spreading the love

I Love.....
Dr E!
She's been my doc for over 15 years, she told me when I was pregnant with both of my girls, and even came to visit me in hospital to see Boo (Allira was born in Wollongong) She is a caring woman who has seen me through everything and has been supportive and not dismissive.

I Love....
Radiographers at the place near the Ibis in Newcastle. It's where I ask to go when something needs scanning, x-raying etc. I like that they're friendly and don't say "you'll have to wait to speak to your doctor" when you're worried about something. They scanned my lump yesterday and were happy to put my mind at ease

I Love......
Finding out that my lump isn't a cyst! It's a lymph node and should hopefully go down, it's a bit cranky about a festy ear infection.

I Love......
Waking up to the sound of rain :) perfect way to start the day

I Love....
My new fuji s5800 camera that lets me annoy my cat by taking macro pictures


Ahhh another happy day awaits :)

I LOVE... pt 2

yes, I'm still all loved up


I Love.....

Allira for making the yummiest chocolate mousse, she's turning into an excellent little chef :)


I Love.......

Boo, for what she wrote about me, it made me cry at 3am this morning when I couldn't sleep


I Love.....

Left over chocolate mousse for breakfast!!


I Love.......

Weight loss!!!!
2.9kgs in the last week. And yes I can see where there might be an issue with the chocolate mousse for breakfast but, omg it's so good.

I Love....

Friends in far away places
Thank you so much to G for helping me with something, I really appreciate it :)


last for the day.....

I Love

KokoBlack hot chocolate!
It is absolutely divine, perfect, bliss, yum
happy now Ozz? lol
pity the closest one to me is in the ACT, be quicker to fly to Melbourne. I'll meet you at Maccas Ozz :P

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I LOVE......

I have decided that there is enough misery, so every day I am going to list things I love :)

I love.......

My Girls :)

They happily go along with my insanity!
Late Saturday night I said we were going for a walk, small complaints from Bianca, pfft.. like I care. We walked down to the Ocean Baths and jumped in, fully clothed, Bianca in her dress. It was fun! lots of laughs, lots of screams.. water was freezing. Standing on the edge, holding hands and jumping in. These are some of the good times that I wouldn't change for the world.

Bianca has her own blog FyreSpryte


I love....

Glen
Always have. Before we even met at the airport in Canada almost 10 years ago, I adored him.
No man has ever treated me the way he has. He loved the girls as though they were his own. I am eternally grateful for our chance meeting on ICQ, I still have the ring he made me out of one of those wire twist tie thingies...I wish he could be here for Christmas, I guess I'll have to wait for January... Swap hemispheres and Marry me dammit! :P


I love....

David Duchovny!
Yes he was a lusty man in The X-files and 15 years later he's still just as lusty in Californication. Last night's episode had me laughing hard!


I love....

My new found strength
I am glad I found it now, instead of still looking for it

xxxxxxxxxxx

I'm not horny

I went to Dr E yesterday about the horn sprouting out of my head, bit worried about it, just needed to know what it was...

It's completely unrelated to the ear infection, It's not lymph nodes, it's not a horn, it's a cyst. I have a friggin cyst growing in my head!!!
I wish I was a hypochondriac and none of this was real

She said I've been through too much this year, so it wont be cut out til the new year, fair enough.
I'm having all day headaches in the right back of my head, I don't know if this is from the ear infection or the cyst, so it's a wait and see thing and back to the doc on Monday.

And my car is still dead

Life is still good though (I only cried a little yesterday :)

It hurts

have middle ear infection
who gets a middle ear infection after the age of 6, I am a multiple of 6.
So I am on the only antibiotic that I'm not allergic to
and lots of advil
whole right side of my head is aching
my throat, my eye, my ear, my scalp
I feel like shit
I'm miserable
I'm in tears
I'd go and buy myself flowers to cheer me up, but...
My car died at the chemist, my portable jump starter recharger thingo is dead too, wont recharge
and I have an ungrateful daughter, which hurts the most