ooooooohhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwweeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrgaaaaaaaaa
blerk
staying in bed
the world's best bed, no.. the universe's best bed
slept 10 hours, was lovely,
have nails in my throat
the cats wont get me my book which is way over there, and I need a drink, wonder if I'll dehydrate before the girls get home... why do I have cats if they can't take care of me!
why the hell do we need live coverage of the election in the US???!?!?
(3 hours on channel 7 and 4 hours on channel 9)
seriously! 30 minutes tops if we have to, but 4 friggin hours?!
thank god for doc phil and oprah...
blah, I think I'll knock myself out before then
gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
goodnight
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Ye Olde Tania of the Tangent
I'm feeling a touch blerty today, so I'll be going off on all sorts of tangents
Get it all out in one long blog post
Swimming is still awesomely brilliant, I've lost 2 kilos this week, and I can see some toning, yay me :)
Had to buy a new sunscreen, my skin is so sensitive. Our sunscreens just weren't doing their job and I do buy good ones, with the correct UVB UVA protector thingos and still get burned. A few years ago when I wasn't wearing sunscreen, I got 2nd degree burns on my chest when the girls and I went for a walk. Boo had sunscreen on, Allira didn't and all she got was a pink nose. I was at the friggin hospital a week later in absolute agony still, I still have an obviously different area on my chest all year round, stupid stupid stupid, see told you I was stupid.
Disturbed is an awesome band, so strong in their music and lyrics, fills me up and makes me want to sing loud! I'm Alive, Overburdened, Guarded and Ten Thousand Fists, are brilliant. Would've loved to have seen them in concert again. I saw them in NY in 2000 with Godsmack and Stone Temple Pilots. BEST.CONCERT.EVER
Timmy asked me to a Halloween party last night, was so much fun!!!! I love dressing up and being someone else. I was looking oh so sexy last night in my vinyl dress, can't believe I could get into it! long black velvet gloves, high high FM boots, lots of makeup and Boo straightened my hair and I looked like every mother should look, like an awesomely sexy don't fuck with me Mistress. I had no idea whose party we were going to, I just knew I needed to go out and have fun, and fun I had!
I drank, I laughed, I danced, I drank, I made friends, I gave out too much information, I drank, I broke my FM boots on uneven ground and hurt my ankle, so I drank some more! and came home and got Boo's sweet flat red shoes which she told me to wear before I first left for the party, it's funny that she was giving me motherly advice. So I went back to the party, thanks to Nathan driving me and drank some more!
We left that party and went to another one and I must have been a novelty cos I was adored as I should be and had numerous requests for the pleasure of my company. I left many blue lipstick smoodges. Oh yeah and I drank some more
I finally crawled home at 4am and then got online to torment Mr NY hahahahaha was fun wasn't it :P
Finally got to sleep about 6am and woke up at 11:15am to a sore ankle and a barrage of questions from Allira, but all I heard was thump thump thump, jesus is that what a hangover feels like? never had one before, I credit the good german drinking genes lol went to make coffee and god friggin dammit there was no milk, still half asleep put on a singlet and a skirt and went to walk down to the shop to get milk, Allira said "mum atleast put a bra on" pffft
I got milk and all sorts of crap I never buy, I haven't bought a Saturday paper in ages! I hate the way they look messy, I also bought a coke zero, blerk, yuck, I don't drink coke. But I had coffee when I got home.
Oh something funny, watching an add for a pizza and it has a ton of different meats on it, Allira says "jeeeez it's like sucking on a pig" hahahahahaha she's funny
I took a couple of advil and a few hours later Allira and I walked 6kms to go and get my car from Timmy's place, I could've caught the bus but I needed to work off alcohol calories.
I had such a good night!
I HATE being ignored, makes me insane. If I've done something to piss you off, then tell me, but don't ignore me, that's so fucking childish and I'm better without that hurt in my life
NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN THEY ONLY MAKE YOU AN OPTION
Something I have been telling myself for the past few months
I wont be anyone's "option" EVER again
How bad was the weather yesterday! 36 degrees!!, I swam 1.6kms, I only got out of the water when my mind went blank and I couldn't remember what I'd done.
I hate hate hate high temps, yes I'm supposedly like Lizzie Borden :P Closing all the blinds first thing in the morning makes a huge difference to the temperature inside our place, we don't have air conditioning so we have to do something so I don't go mental
I haven't eaten today, I should probably get something, but i'm not hungry either, probably just have an Xndo... watch out for another eating disorder
Hahahaha Iron Chef is flipping hillarious, the voice overs are so funny, they're too enthusiastic, I love the way they voice over everything including the laughs, cos you know, we wouldn't understand a Japanese laugh, it's so different to an English one
Boo is happy now, I've got cream for my eczema,
I think she was getting sick of me walking around with my breasts out saying '"LOOK AT MY BOOB.... LOOK AT IT!!!"
because I was scratching the hell out of it and it was all red and hiddeous
she'd calmly say "Mum, put it away and go to the doctor"
So I finally went to the doctor. I was trying to clear it up myself, but it wasn't working.
Stupid eczema, I get it when I'm stressed.
hmm... I think I'm hungry
The cat is next to me snoring
I want to add photos from last night dammit, but I have no idea where the cable to get the pics off my phone is.
have a great weekend everyone :)
toodle pip
Get it all out in one long blog post
Swimming is still awesomely brilliant, I've lost 2 kilos this week, and I can see some toning, yay me :)
Had to buy a new sunscreen, my skin is so sensitive. Our sunscreens just weren't doing their job and I do buy good ones, with the correct UVB UVA protector thingos and still get burned. A few years ago when I wasn't wearing sunscreen, I got 2nd degree burns on my chest when the girls and I went for a walk. Boo had sunscreen on, Allira didn't and all she got was a pink nose. I was at the friggin hospital a week later in absolute agony still, I still have an obviously different area on my chest all year round, stupid stupid stupid, see told you I was stupid.
Disturbed is an awesome band, so strong in their music and lyrics, fills me up and makes me want to sing loud! I'm Alive, Overburdened, Guarded and Ten Thousand Fists, are brilliant. Would've loved to have seen them in concert again. I saw them in NY in 2000 with Godsmack and Stone Temple Pilots. BEST.CONCERT.EVER
Timmy asked me to a Halloween party last night, was so much fun!!!! I love dressing up and being someone else. I was looking oh so sexy last night in my vinyl dress, can't believe I could get into it! long black velvet gloves, high high FM boots, lots of makeup and Boo straightened my hair and I looked like every mother should look, like an awesomely sexy don't fuck with me Mistress. I had no idea whose party we were going to, I just knew I needed to go out and have fun, and fun I had!
I drank, I laughed, I danced, I drank, I made friends, I gave out too much information, I drank, I broke my FM boots on uneven ground and hurt my ankle, so I drank some more! and came home and got Boo's sweet flat red shoes which she told me to wear before I first left for the party, it's funny that she was giving me motherly advice. So I went back to the party, thanks to Nathan driving me and drank some more!
We left that party and went to another one and I must have been a novelty cos I was adored as I should be and had numerous requests for the pleasure of my company. I left many blue lipstick smoodges. Oh yeah and I drank some more
I finally crawled home at 4am and then got online to torment Mr NY hahahahaha was fun wasn't it :P
Finally got to sleep about 6am and woke up at 11:15am to a sore ankle and a barrage of questions from Allira, but all I heard was thump thump thump, jesus is that what a hangover feels like? never had one before, I credit the good german drinking genes lol went to make coffee and god friggin dammit there was no milk, still half asleep put on a singlet and a skirt and went to walk down to the shop to get milk, Allira said "mum atleast put a bra on" pffft
I got milk and all sorts of crap I never buy, I haven't bought a Saturday paper in ages! I hate the way they look messy, I also bought a coke zero, blerk, yuck, I don't drink coke. But I had coffee when I got home.
Oh something funny, watching an add for a pizza and it has a ton of different meats on it, Allira says "jeeeez it's like sucking on a pig" hahahahahaha she's funny
I took a couple of advil and a few hours later Allira and I walked 6kms to go and get my car from Timmy's place, I could've caught the bus but I needed to work off alcohol calories.
I had such a good night!
I HATE being ignored, makes me insane. If I've done something to piss you off, then tell me, but don't ignore me, that's so fucking childish and I'm better without that hurt in my life
NEVER MAKE SOMEONE A PRIORITY WHEN THEY ONLY MAKE YOU AN OPTION
Something I have been telling myself for the past few months
I wont be anyone's "option" EVER again
How bad was the weather yesterday! 36 degrees!!, I swam 1.6kms, I only got out of the water when my mind went blank and I couldn't remember what I'd done.
I hate hate hate high temps, yes I'm supposedly like Lizzie Borden :P Closing all the blinds first thing in the morning makes a huge difference to the temperature inside our place, we don't have air conditioning so we have to do something so I don't go mental
I haven't eaten today, I should probably get something, but i'm not hungry either, probably just have an Xndo... watch out for another eating disorder
Hahahaha Iron Chef is flipping hillarious, the voice overs are so funny, they're too enthusiastic, I love the way they voice over everything including the laughs, cos you know, we wouldn't understand a Japanese laugh, it's so different to an English one
Boo is happy now, I've got cream for my eczema,
I think she was getting sick of me walking around with my breasts out saying '"LOOK AT MY BOOB.... LOOK AT IT!!!"
because I was scratching the hell out of it and it was all red and hiddeous
she'd calmly say "Mum, put it away and go to the doctor"
So I finally went to the doctor. I was trying to clear it up myself, but it wasn't working.
Stupid eczema, I get it when I'm stressed.
hmm... I think I'm hungry
The cat is next to me snoring
I want to add photos from last night dammit, but I have no idea where the cable to get the pics off my phone is.
have a great weekend everyone :)
toodle pip
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Bikinis are me
Swimming again today, I love it! nothing to stress me, back to being free from everything!
Another kilometre, weather was blah, water was beautiful, I am so grateful to be living here.
I love going down to the pool on cloudy, rainy days, there's usually less than 10 people swimming and no one to go into my lane. I HATE people swimming in my lane, it's mine dammit. (Ok I was wrong when I told Lisa that there's nothing for me to be OCT(D) about at the pool, I get nervous when someone is in my lane when I get to the pool and have been known not to start my laps til my lane is free)
On cold days I jump straight into the water and after a few seconds of asking myself wtf am I doing in the freezing water, I remind myself that you work off more calories in cold water because your body works harder to keep you warm, plus I'll be toning up and being stunning.
Yesterday I went through my swimmer drawer and I have 14 bikinis! and one tankini. I like changing them around, swapping tops and bottoms, today it was silver bottoms and a black top, my theory is that I'll wear what I want and be happy being me, if people don't like it, then they don't have to look.
yes I know .. I'm gorgeous
any takers?
:)
Another kilometre, weather was blah, water was beautiful, I am so grateful to be living here.
I love going down to the pool on cloudy, rainy days, there's usually less than 10 people swimming and no one to go into my lane. I HATE people swimming in my lane, it's mine dammit. (Ok I was wrong when I told Lisa that there's nothing for me to be OCT(D) about at the pool, I get nervous when someone is in my lane when I get to the pool and have been known not to start my laps til my lane is free)
On cold days I jump straight into the water and after a few seconds of asking myself wtf am I doing in the freezing water, I remind myself that you work off more calories in cold water because your body works harder to keep you warm, plus I'll be toning up and being stunning.
Yesterday I went through my swimmer drawer and I have 14 bikinis! and one tankini. I like changing them around, swapping tops and bottoms, today it was silver bottoms and a black top, my theory is that I'll wear what I want and be happy being me, if people don't like it, then they don't have to look.
yes I know .. I'm gorgeous
any takers?
:)
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Washing the stupid off
I went swimming this morning.
I haven't been swimming in months, I needed to do laps at Merewether because it's probably the only place I go where I can feel completely free.
It was overcast and cool, the water temp was 18, and I was happy.
Lots to think about, wondered how many laps I would do considering that it's been so long, I didn't need to worry, I swam a kilometre, 20 laps. That's my usual, but on occasion I do more, up to 60 laps. Maybe I should have done more. I'm going to start swimming daily again
I wasn't as free minded as I usually am when I swim, the whole time I was thinking about everything that has happened over the last few months, including Saturday night. I had a good night and that's all that should be important.
I need to lose this damn weight so I can't blame everything on it.
What is it? do you see me for me, not my fat, my huge thighs, my fat gut, don't tell me I'm beautiful if you don't mean it. Does it bother you that I am what I am... in every aspect of me?
letting it go now
Monday, October 27, 2008
Stupid...
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid
Yep... that says it
Yep... that says it
Friday, October 24, 2008
Who am I
I was doing my YAAD homework today, left the "Who am I" bit til last.
I've read through the questions and have spent the past couple of hours thinking about who I am. What shaped the person I am now? I know that supposedly adults are a product of their upbringing, so our childhood makes us who we are. But I know there's more to it than that.
Do I like who I am? What made me who I am? What would I change about me?
I know relationships (with partners, not family) played a big part in who I am today...but at this moment..I like who I am today. I wont be defined by stereotypes, yes abuse shapes a person, but so does so many other things, there are a million things that make me me.
I am a mother, a sister, a daughter, a grand daughter, a niece, an aunty, a friend
I have OCD tendencies, I like to walk/ dance/ play in the rain. I always worry that I cause things to happen. I love my bed, I hate not having the security of my home, I had my wedding photos done in a cemetery and even though I'm divorced now, I still love the pictures. I used to weigh over 100kgs.....*and has been pointed out by someone who knows, the heat makes me a little cranky :P
here's more........
My full name- Tania Marie
- Age - 36
- Height - 160cm
- Natural hair colour- born blonde, but now it's brown I suppose
- Eye colour - blue/grey
- Number of siblings - 1 sister
- Glasses/contacts - Glasses for reading, driving at night etc
- Piercings - ears and another umm.. place. Had my nose and belly button done a years ago, but they're not in anymore
- Tattoos - 5
- FAVOURITE
- Colour- turquoise
- Band - Godsmack
- Song - too many
- Stuffed animal - my bear Hudson
- Video game - Primal
- TV show - lots
- Movie - lots
- Book -
- Food - oh there are so many..
- Flower- they're all beautiful, but I love roses
- Scent - fresia, rose, gardenia, good food
- Animal -
- Cartoon- Brandy and Mr Whiskers, Spongebob
- DO YOU
Play an instrument? no
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week? no
Like to sing? yes
Have a job? no
Have a cell phone? yes
Like to play sports? not competitively
Have a boyfriend? no
Have a crush on someone? no
Live somewhere NOT in the united states? yes
Have more than 5 TVs in your house? no
Have any special talents/skills? I am creative
Have any faults? I forget bad things people do to me too quickly. I think I can help make people happy.
Exercise daily? most days
Speak any other languages? no
Go a day without food? yes, have gone a few days without it
Stay up for more than 24 hours? have done it
Read music, not just tabs? nope
Roll your tongue? no
Eat a whole pizza? yeah.. sadly lol
– HAVE YOU EVER
Seen a shooting star? yes
Been to any other countries besides the united states? yes... Canada, England, Scotland, Vanuatu
Had a serious surgery? it's all serious
Stolen something important to someone else? no
Gone out in public in your pajamas? yes
Been arrested? arrested, not charged
Done drugs? smoked a few joints
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose? not milk, coffee
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator? yes
Been in love? yes
Been to a casino? yes
Ran over an animal and killed it? no
Broken a bone? yes
Gotten stitches? yes
Gone skinny dipping in winter? yes
Made homemade muffins? yes
Been to niagra falls? yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth - this afternoon
Saw A Movie In Theaters - about a month ago- Dark Knight
Read a book - this week
Went to the grocery store - yesterday
Got sick - July
Cursed – today
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables - vegies
Black/white - black
Lights on/lights off - off
TV/movie - good tv
Car/truck - car
Body spray/lotion - what ever I'm in the mood for
Pillows/blankets - both
Headache/stomach ache - stomach
Paint/charcoal - charcoal
Chinese food/mexican food - mexican
Summer/winter - winter
Snow/rain - snow
Fog/misty - misty
Rock/rap - rock
Meat/vegetarian - meat
Chocolate/vanilla - chocolate
Sprinkles/icing - icing
Cake/pie - cake
French toast/french fries - chips :P
Strawberries/blueberries - strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool -ocean swimming pool
Hugs/kisses - depends
Cookies/muffins - either
Moon/mars - Moon
FRIENDSHIP
Have you ever been in love? Yes
Are you single? yes
Are you in a relationship? no
Do you believe there is someone for everyone? yes
What is your idea of the best date? somewhere comfortable- warm weather, picnic on the beach with wine, and then a walk. Cold weather- cosy restaurant
What was your first kiss like? On a bus, scared to death
How old were you when you got your first kiss? 13
Do you think love is a load of shit? sometimes when I'm feeling cynical
WORD ASSOCIATION
Free - peace
Space - stars
Taste - chocolate mousse and rasberries
Red - rose
Deep - ocean
Heart - break
Rain - dance
Bed - mine
Jump - joy
I....
am - happy
want - love
need - hugs
crave - hugs
love - too easily
hate - crying
feel - relaxed
miss - travelling
am annoyed by - stupid people
would rather - be in Scotland
am tired of - my sore arm
will always - love my children
SILLY STUFF
What is your favourite genre of music? hard rock
What time is it now? 4pm
What day is it? Friday
Whens the last time you called someone? 2:15pm
How much money do you have right now? $7
Are you hungry? no
Do you like parades? depends.. boring ones no, but ones like "Rolling Thunder" in Washington DC was pretty awesome to watch
Do you like the moon? yes I do
What are you going to do when youre done with this? try and nap
If you could have any magical power what would it be? the ability to do what ever I want l
ike Jeanie in I dream of JeanieHave you ever had a picnic? yes
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny? yes
pretty? sometimes
sarcastic? yes
lazy? yes
hyper? sometimes, ok rarely
friendly? yes
evil? no
smart? yes
strong? yes
talented? no
dorky? no
WOULD YOU EVER:
Sky dive? yes
Play strip poker? done it
Run away? done it
Not take a shower for a week? god no
Ask someone out? done it
Visit a foreign country for more than a month? went to America for 3 months
Go scuba diving? done it
Write a book? would love to
Become a rockstar? hahahaa
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Take me Home
Sometimes I find a song that fills me with emotion and takes me on a journey and this song is one of them.
I have been watching a show called True Blood, and I LOVE it. During a heartbreaking scene in episode 6, there is an unbelievably haunting song, the song playing is called Take me Home by Lisbeth Scott.
On her website, Lisbeth says "I sing to comfort, heal, move, transport and awaken the divine voice within us all"
I love closing my eyes and going where the music takes me, I don't think of it as a song about death. I see myself on a beautiful green grass covered hill, I'm by a large tree, looking out into the distance, looking out at grass, hills and the ocean and I am peaceful and blessed. I assume it's my home in Scotland. I'm positive I lived there in a past life.. have you ever been somewhere and just felt like you'd come home?
When Mr NY and I went to Scotland, I had an overwhelming feeling that I'd 'come home' I felt so at peace there, I NEED to go back, it's not just a 'want' it's a definite 'need'. The photo on the side that looks black and white, is a place called Loch Awe, it was after 3pm and I was walking along the shore line, the sun was shining through the clouds and took the photo, with my 35mm canon slr and the photo came back greyscale, it was the only photo in the roll that came back the way it did, there's something in Scotland for me. While I'm off on my tangent, I'll add the photo here
I just love it.
Turning my tangent around and back to the song............
I love finding truly special songs
Please listen to it at amazon.com (click the little play button, it's not very much of the song) or at cdbaby.com (on the left hand side underneath "tracks" click the 'play' button and then open, I used real player)
Let me know what you think :)
I have been watching a show called True Blood, and I LOVE it. During a heartbreaking scene in episode 6, there is an unbelievably haunting song, the song playing is called Take me Home by Lisbeth Scott.
On her website, Lisbeth says "I sing to comfort, heal, move, transport and awaken the divine voice within us all"
I love closing my eyes and going where the music takes me, I don't think of it as a song about death. I see myself on a beautiful green grass covered hill, I'm by a large tree, looking out into the distance, looking out at grass, hills and the ocean and I am peaceful and blessed. I assume it's my home in Scotland. I'm positive I lived there in a past life.. have you ever been somewhere and just felt like you'd come home?
When Mr NY and I went to Scotland, I had an overwhelming feeling that I'd 'come home' I felt so at peace there, I NEED to go back, it's not just a 'want' it's a definite 'need'. The photo on the side that looks black and white, is a place called Loch Awe, it was after 3pm and I was walking along the shore line, the sun was shining through the clouds and took the photo, with my 35mm canon slr and the photo came back greyscale, it was the only photo in the roll that came back the way it did, there's something in Scotland for me. While I'm off on my tangent, I'll add the photo here
I just love it.
Turning my tangent around and back to the song............
I love finding truly special songs
Please listen to it at amazon.com (click the little play button, it's not very much of the song) or at cdbaby.com (on the left hand side underneath "tracks" click the 'play' button and then open, I used real player)
Let me know what you think :)
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